i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
