you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
