He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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