We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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