you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
