quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
