i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Congratulations! We have a period
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
