I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
