Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
