Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
