god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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