That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
