I CAN MOONWALK!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
