Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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