i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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