I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
