Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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