I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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