i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
