I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
