Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
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