Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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