well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
