this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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