Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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