i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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