Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
