uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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