Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
