haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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