U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
