all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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