It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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