You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
