It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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