if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
