then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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