so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
false alarm, still single
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
