Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
one might say we're banned from that church
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
