I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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