Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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