I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
