I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
