CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
