i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
