And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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