So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
