While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
