Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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