Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
