Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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