the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
